Fruit of the Spirit: Gentleness and Self-Control

I’ll be completely honest here, I’ve always thought of gentleness as the “doormat” fruit. I’ve thought that gentle people allow other’s opinions to steamroll over their own, or that any sort of disagreement would be seen as a lack of gentleness. I’ve struggled with this in my own life and the feelings of guilt associated with it, because I’ve felt that any time I have an opposing opinion, I’m not living out the fruit of gentleness properly.

But upon further reflection, I think the idea of doormat gentleness is not exactly what the fruit of the Spirit is talking about. I think the truth about gentleness is understood best in partnership with the fruit of self-control.

Gentleness and Self-Control

A gentle and self-controlled person can act calmly in a situation that might otherwise bring about rising tension or anger. A gentle person doesn’t unnecessarily try to cause anger or resentment. A gentle person is prepared with the truth, but they also know that there is a right way and a wrong way to say it. (Similarly, there is also a right time and a wrong time to say something true, as I have discovered in marriage.)

Peter says, “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.”¹ Ultimately true gentleness and self-control is a reduction of pride and an increase in love and humility.

Jesus’ Example

Jesus is again the perfect example of the fruit of the Spirit—he tells us that he is gentle and humble and that we are to learn from him. But then he goes around and flips tables² and calls the pharisees a brood of vipers³, or whitewashed tombs⁴.

In my mind these are not exactly “gentle” things, but Jesus does not say or do them unnecessarily. He does them because he is making a point. His actions and statements show us the truth of who God is and of his holiness. He does not do them in pride or simply to stir up anger. Through Jesus we learn more about who God is and what he desires from us and through the fruit of the Spirit we are able to align our lives with God’s desire.

Preparing Our Hearts

We can rely on the Spirit to help us know how to be loving, gentle, humble and self-controlled as we pursue and proclaim the truth.

1

1 Peter 3:15

2

Matthew 21:12-13

3

Matthew 12:34

4

Matthew 23:27-28